she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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