should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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