I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
