My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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