Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize