Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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