I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
