i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
