a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
