she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize