When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I am mentally ready for anal.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
