the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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