Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
