I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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