you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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