You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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