GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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