I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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