Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
