so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
