Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
