well I can't set my house on fire every night
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
