What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
