i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
