That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Still dying that you shit outside
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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