When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
