Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Randomize
