i don't plan on having that self control this summer
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Verdict: uncircumcised.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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