I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
