babies were throwing up all over the place
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
