I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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