i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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