so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
