Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Too much gin, very little bucket
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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