why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
operation harelip BJ is a go
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
