:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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