Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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