did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
