What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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