He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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