mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
