My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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