Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
