i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
