Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
