no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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