I'm sorry my penis didn't work
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Randomize
