i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
