they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
