she pinky promised me she was 18
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
