i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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