I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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