paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
