She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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