We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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