remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He did a backflip because drugs
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