non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
