ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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