My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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