If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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