how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
