I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
