what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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