I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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