your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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