Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
