I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
