i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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