if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
