I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
