I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
