did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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