We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
