so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
