1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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